


Station of the North

by moxx04



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death Of Some Characters, F/F, Fluff, I'm Sorry, Songfic, princess au?, very messy because my mind is too lmfao, very vague relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-12-26
Packaged: 2020-01-04 05:46:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18337409
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxx04/pseuds/moxx04
Summary: A general, a princess, and a whole world of guilt, fear, and responsibility between them. It could've been so easy but it wasn't.





	1. Begin

**Author's Note:**

> because xylomyloo noticed the fic drought uwu also for that anon who probably wanted a fluffy au but ended up getting this mess of an au lmao i'm sorry
> 
> Inspired by 10 AM, Gare Du Nord

She was a general, feared by the kingdoms near and far. It wasn’t what she was ever supposed to be. A woman, fragile-looking, and full of beauty. She wasn’t what you would typically see ruling over battalions of soldiers ready to fight at her beck and call.

How’d she get there? Well it’s a road of pain after pain, of sorrow and losing her loved ones all at once. They never tell you while growing up that kingdoms like the one she belongs to aren’t always well-protected. People are too busy being happy, working always towards the betterment of the kingdom. She’s not that angry about it to be honest, she would just have preferred knowing that she’d lose it all in the blink of an eye.

Does she love the kingdom? Does she love the rulers of the North and all its nearby territories, so feared by the other nations because of their power and might? Not really. But she’d die for it, for them, because it’s not the power nor the people that tethers her in this place. It’s not the beautiful scenery or peace she tries to maintain in the kingdom everyday of her life that makes her stay.

It’s for one girl who, at her lowest, gave her something to live for again. It’s for a gummy smile that shines brighter than the sunrise that could be seen from the highest towers that she guards. It’s for the princess of the kingdom, someday destined to rule but with a loving and gentle hand.

She’d stay in the place where she lost everything because it also holds the one thing she doesn’t have but will forever treasure.

-

“Hey, captain,” Jeongyeon greets her. “Been brooding again?”

“How many times have I told you not to call me captain? You’re setting a bad example for the rest of the troops,” she says plainly.

“They know that only some of us can call you that, don’t worry,” her second-in-command only continues.

Most days, she wonders why she surrounds herself with people who seem to find it fun to annoy her but then she remembers that it’s just their way of showing love. Gods know her younger self took forever to get used to it.

“Do you want anything from me?” she asks.

“Not really but I heard there’s a royal gathering later, it’s going to be hard to accommodate everyone in front of the castle again.”

“Yes, it’s been planned since last week, Jeongyeon. Why weren’t you informed?”

“I was gone for that assassination down South.”

“I was told that you just led a watch in the East Kingdom to train some of our new recruits,” she says stiffly.

The silence that ensues is tense. She’s never liked not being in the know when it comes to the people she leads. Call her possessive but she’s the head of this kingdom’s military, the King isn’t supposed to overrule her, damn it.

It’s always been a point of resentment for her.

-

She remembers the night her life changed. It wasn’t raining heavily nor was it stiflingly hot. It was so average and maybe that’s what caught them all off-guard.

She was nine years old. She was nine when she heard footsteps coming from the front door, and her father shouting about getting help. She was nine when she realized that swords don’t make much sound when cutting, not when people were so fragile and soft and full of liquid.

Her mother came into her room and told her to hide and keep quiet. She was scared and wanted nothing more than to protect her mother but she couldn’t do anything else when her mother lifted her up and put her in the trunk. Had she made noise, she would have alerted them more to the presence of her mother.

Her silence was for naught because the men that entered her home and killed her father wanted to leave no witnesses behind. She doesn’t know why they were chosen that night. She doesn’t know why it was her father that was slashed in the chest so deeply that she saw what could have been his heart exposed. She doesn’t know why it was her mother that had to scream so loudly out of pain and anguish while protecting her little sister from the men’s weapons. She doesn’t know why they had to kill even little Yeri who couldn’t have recognized them had she survived.

She lost her family, so she just sat there. Maybe she would die too. That would have been nice. But morning came, she only knew from the sounds of birds singing outside like her whole world hadn’t just burned down. There were also loud noises, probably horses that were ridden by the soldiers who patrol the area. What a waste of resources, they couldn’t even save her parents. What was the point?

Someone entered her room, she still didn’t make any noise. Maybe they wouldn’t find her. Maybe no one would care enough to think that there would be a survivor. But no, Lee Sunmi has always been a competent soldier and checks every possibility when the time is not limited. So she finds her, looking at her resentfully, and she wouldn’t know it but her heart would break for the little girl who sat in there all night and didn’t bother to call out when she knew she could be saved.

 “What’s your name?” the woman asks. “I’m General Lee Sunmi.”

 “Why weren’t you here last night?” she asks sullenly because that was her mother’s blood glinting with sunlight in their hallway.

“I am so sorry, little girl. We tried to find out where those men were headed and we failed,” she says solemnly.

“Doesn’t bring them back though, does it?” she replies, looking like she’s about to cry. But she doesn’t. What would’ve been the point? She’d just end up being an orphan now.

The woman looked lost too, but she just holds out her hand. She liked the gesture. She wouldn’t have liked it if she just grabbed her. She decides to take it.

They go out of the room and she sees her family one last time. One could say that showing dead bodies to a little kid is wrong but that was her family. She would rather see them like this one last time than not at all, even if it broke her heart all over again. At least the general could understand that, probably knowing much more loss than her.

She says her goodbyes, not verbally but she knows it’s there, floating around somewhere in the heavens. General Lee leads her out of the bloody place and she wonders if she’ll someday live in this house again.

Maybe when she’s old enough to live on her own. She doesn’t know if that’s something to look forward to.

“Where do you want to go from here?” the general asks.

“Shouldn’t you put me in an orphanage?”

“I could. Or would you like to learn how to defend yourself from other people?” she says with a slight smile.

“Why should I?”

She pauses at that, then reconsiders.

“What about protecting other people then?”

“I have no one now,” she says honestly.

“Maybe someday you will. Don’t you want to keep them safe?”

She thinks it over. Later, she’d realize that she gave her purpose. She gave her something to focus on against the grief. She’d be forever grateful because even at such a young age, she felt like she was drowning.

-

“Captain, I know it’s not what you want for me but I can handle the darker missions too,” Jeongyeon mutters from beside her, breaking her away from her musings.

“I have been there, Yoo. I know how much it takes from a person.”

“Then you should know why we want to lighten your load,” Jeongyeon replies.

This frustrates her. She only wants her subordinates protected, cared for, and whole. She doesn’t want them ending up like her. Was that too much to ask? What was a few more assassinations on her hands anyway? It’s not like she didn’t handle tons of those before they promoted her to her position now.

“We all know your dark spiral, Nayeon. We wanted you saved from it,” the blonde continues.

She only grunts in response, hoping the topic would be closed.

“We were all ready to bow down to the princess and grovel when she gave you and the king an earful about having those missions.”

She couldn’t say anything to that, she was so close to the breaking point when it happened.

“I’ll be off to secure the perimeter with Momo and the others. Guard the royal family with your life, grab Taehyung and the others too,” she says instead.

“We’re okay, right?” Jeongyeon asks.

“Of course. Stay alive.”

 

She proceeds to do what she just said she would. The guards were already there and people were trickling into the courtyard already.

She, too, wonders why there’s a sudden announcement today. She hasn’t been told the reason for it and it’s bothering her a bit.

Then she hears the king being announced. The man himself isn’t all that intimidating at first glance, but one would have to be a fool to ever mess with him. Aside from Jeongyeon being a prominent figure standing discreetly near the princess, the king himself was skilled in the military arts. The North wasn’t feared because the rulers were soft and nice, after all.

“Good day to you all, my beloved citizens,” he starts. “Just a week ago, my daughter, your Princess Mina, just celebrated her 18th birthday.”

Ah, yes. Nayeon spent that day feeling alive again. With the excuse of guarding the princess, they spent the day together near the forests, creating flower crowns, and hoping that the rest of their days could be spent just like that.

“As is tradition, it is time for the duels that will decide the future king of this kingdom.”

She wasn’t a perfect woman, no matter how much her soldiers would like to say otherwise. She was still that little girl who lost her everything and doesn’t know what to do with herself. She didn’t even have her mentor anymore.

She wonders what Sunmi would say. Would she be disappointed that she turned down Mina’s offer to run away together and live on some faraway cottage with her? Would she be proud that, even if it took all of the courage in her body, she refused the offer with a gentle smile?

Sunmi would probably beat her up first for that string of suicidal missions she took when she died on a mission while protecting Nayeon. Still, she likes to think Sunmi would understand.

She walks away before she could hear more about the upcoming event. She could have won without ever having to fight. But that’s all she’s good for anyway, right? A perfect soldier, but a crappy human.

-

Sunmi was gone. She lost her parent again. Just how unfair could the world be?

Well, if it was going to be that cruel, then maybe the world could finally do her the favor of reuniting her with everyone else.

Those long and depressing missions? She’ll take them. Those missions that chipped apart your humanity piece by piece? Just keep them coming. Maybe if she feels less human then it’ll hurt less.

She thinks of it like that until she feels a slap to her face.

“My lady?” she asks, startled by the sudden act.

“Im Nayeon, you have no right to call me that when I can see you obviously throwing your life away,” the princess says, tears gathering in her eyes.

They were in a meeting with the king and queen, her briefing of what happened on her last mission, an important one that affected the trade between all kingdoms greatly.

She didn’t expect to be chastised for her success.

“I am sorry, are there any specific things you want done during these missions, princess?” she asks, because she really thought she did everything right.

“No, you idiot! And you!” Mina says to her father. “Why do you keep sending only one person to these kinds of things?”

“She’s the best we have, sweetheart,” the king says placatingly.

“Don’t talk down to me like that, father. I have been taught about these things from adolescence. I know that we’re not supposed to burn out our best resources. You’ve been lazy and Nayeon has been making it too easy for you,” the girl continues, seething.

The king is looking shamefaced and she’s still trying to process the turn of events. The queen looks like she’s trying to hide her smile but is failing.

Then the thought strikes her.

“Do you,” she starts weakly.

“What?” Mina turns to her with a frown.

“Do you care about me, princess?” she asks.

That weakness was embarrassing, she couldn’t have sounded more vulnerable had she tried.

“Of course,” Mina replies, her frown softening. “What would I do if you were gone?”

How could she reply to that?

“We’ll be in the throne room, love. You should talk some sense into our general,” the queen says while ushering out her husband from the room.

“I-,”

“What?”

“Why would it matter to you if I were to die?” she questions helplessly because she knows that she holds emotional attachments with a few people, but none of them would be unable to move on from her death if given enough time. Her soldiers are strong, and death as familiar to them as life. But Mina? She doesn’t understand.

“Didn’t you promise that you would protect me forever and ever when we were kids?”

She remembers those days fondly. She was close to Mina’s age so Sunmi thought it would be good for her to socialize, having someone who knew how to fight around Mina was a plus too. They were both lonely kids.

It wasn’t all fun and games because she was still training during those days but she does remember getting rest days and spending them tagging along Mina’s adventures around the castle or sometimes even outside when Sunmi spared them a soldier to ensure their safety.

When Nayeon officially became a soldier and was about to go on her first mission, Mina cried.

“You might not come back to me,” the girl cries into her shoulder.

She only smiles lightly and tugs the girl closer.

“Don’t be silly. I’m the best, of course I’ll come back to you,” she says, something in her chest settling.

“Do you promise?” the princess asks her, holding out her pinky but still hiding her face in her shoulder, probably embarrassed at the gesture she’s initiating.

“I promise to protect you forever and ever,” she says, winding her pinky with the other’s. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. You can leave me someday but I’m not going anywhere.”

How did she forget that?

Oh, right. Death, again. Then again and again and again.

She needs better ways to deal with her grief. She almost lost track of her mission in life.

“I’m sorry,” Nayeon says.

“Why?” Mina asks her, wanting to make sure that she gets it this time.

“I- I wasn’t me for a while. I’m sorry that you lost me for a while. I’ll try to come back now,” she says honestly.

“That’s all I want,” Mina says, looking tired but content.

She opens her arms and the princess settles against her once again.

She’d get better. Maybe not immediately but she’s going to start.

-

She’s sitting on the roof of her favorite tower. If she was less trained, she’d have fallen when she felt someone sit beside her.

“She’s getting married, huh,” Momo murmurs.

“Yeah. To some idiot who fought other idiots for her hand,” she replies.

“I did tell you that we could’ve all left and become farmers or something,” Momo jests.

“And have her resent me for it years down the line? No thank you,” Nayeon says, pretending that even just the thought of that choice didn’t break her heart.

“You’re a fool, you know that captain?” Momo tells her, a sad smile on her face.

“I know. I’d kill to be the one beside her, I could have killed everyone else in that competition,” she states.

Momo bumps her knees with hers at that.

“We were all kind of hoping you would, even the queen looked like she was expecting it,” Momo admits.

“Yes, well, I’ll probably still kill for her anyway. I’ll guard her forever, maybe die for her somewhere along the way.”

“That’s stupid.”

“I’m aware.”

“You just don’t want to get hurt again, do you?”

She doesn’t respond to that.

They sit there watching the sunset for what feels like hours.

“I’ll always be here for her, serving my station,” she says while standing up and holding her hand out for Momo to take. “I'll always be hers, even though she isn't mine. Even if she doesn't think I'm hers at all. ”

“I don’t think I should be the one you’re telling this to,” Momo says, standing up.

“I’m a lonely general, and you’re my willing soldier. I can only tell you,” she laughs.

“You should’ve been a prince, then you wouldn’t be this brooding mess of a captain,” Momo laughs with her.

“In another life perhaps.”


	2. Past and Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm just randomly angsty so have this but idk if it's weird and too annoying, i'll replace the chapter or something whenever if it is.

It wasn’t an easy adjustment to go from being a carefree child to one who doesn’t know what exactly she’s supposed to do anymore. It’s not like Sunmi helped her adjust immediately either. They were both surprised when Sunmi offered to foster her instead of sending her to an orphanage in the first place.

The general’s house was very spartan. None of the things that could remind her of her lost home. She was expecting something warmer.

“I know it’s not much, kid,” Sunmi said self-deprecatingly. “I never got around to decorating it between missions.”

“What missions do you take?” she asks, because what are you supposed to say to adults who seem sad?

“Ones that protect the kingdom. But also ones that protect myself,” Sunmi smiles quietly.

She doesn’t reply to that, but questions spin around in her mind. Missions harm the one who does them, but not all of them? Then why do missions at all?

“Don’t think too much about it, kid. It’s just that some missions take away more of yourself than others,” the general says, opening the last room they haven’t explored. “And here we are, this will be your room.”

It had a small bed, a desk, and a closet. It was nice. There would be sunlight in the mornings if she chose not to close the curtains.

“Thank you.”

Sunmi just patted her head and left her to check her room.

-

When Sunmi told her that she could attend normal school like most of the other kids and become a merchant like her parents, she only took a second to refuse it. There was no need to remember what could have been in another life.

Instead, she attended military school earlier than anyone else. Sunmi looked like she was against it but didn’t know how to refuse her. So, she studied alongside people older than her.

It all came very easily to her. Military life was easy to blend into. It tired her day in and day out. She didn’t have time to think about things outside of strategy and practicality. It was a reprieve for her since her mind was usually abuzz with thoughts that could drown her at any moment.

The older kids didn’t like getting shown up, of course, so they took to ganging up on the child with hopes that she’ll quit. Sunmi wanted to intervene and teach those rowdy applicants a lesson or two in honor and dignity, but Nayeon wanted to become a good soldier on her own. They beat her up but she never stayed down.

She eventually got good enough that she could fight off everyone on her own. She was a prodigy that everyone with rank looked forward to training. She made use of her small build to strike fast and strike hard. You wouldn’t think a 10-year-old could do much of anything but since she was never told what was expected of her, she didn’t know her limits, and kept surpassing them instead.

 She would always fight only until the other party couldn’t get up anymore. She had principles about attacking someone who’s already down for the count. Sunmi would later crush those and replace them with harder truths.

-

Military training also brought her to one of her first duties, guarding the princess of the kingdom while she played around in the castle. It was like some distorted reflection of her past, when she used to play with Yeri in their backyard.

Seeing the princess for the first time, her first thought was of her fragility. For 2 years now, she has been seeing only hardened teens training to be hardened soldiers. This little girl in a pink dress? She was nothing like that.

She also noticed the moles that dotted the girl’s face. It was pretty. And not the kind of pretty that’s like her or Sunmi. Their kind of pretty was scary, she’s been told. The princess’ was soft, and kind, and honestly heartbreaking for a 12-year-old Nayeon.

“Are you a prince?” the princess asked her, head tilted to the side like a puppy.

“No, princess,” she replies honestly.

“But you’re wearing pants and you have a sword,” the princess insists.

“General Sunmi orders everyone in the military to wear pants and a tunic, regardless of gender, my lady,” she answers smoothly. “I am not a prince, but you could liken me to a knight if you would prefer it.”

“You’re strange. Aren’t we the same age?” she asks.

“I have been told that I am 6 months older.”

“Then call me Mina. Everyone else in here calls me long titles. It gets to be boring,” the princess tells her.

“Princess, I do not think that would be proper--,” she starts, but the princess cuts her off.

“But I’m your princess so shouldn’t you do what I say?” the girl smiles at her winningly.

She doesn’t know what to say to that. Logic dictates that she follow the princess’ words, but she’s been taught that calling her superiors by their titles was always the appropriate thing to do. This was more stressful than the daily sparring sessions she has with the near-graduates in the academy.

“Princess Mina, please don’t break my soldier so early on,” she hears Sunmi say with a laugh from behind her.

She elbows the general for that comment but she only gets another laugh and a head pat at that. She could feel her cheeks warming, and the princess was still grinning. Her gummy smile was causing weird effects on her heart. That was weird.

“I just told her to call me by my name,” the princess says innocently.

“Ah, I see,” Sunmi smiles at the girl. “Nayeon here doesn’t have any friends so she’s not used to that. Be nice to her, please,” Sunmi ruffles her hair, bows to Mina, and leaves.

She groans out of frustration. Why did Sunmi have to say it like that? The princess was going to think she’s not fit for this whole playing around the castle thing.

“Don’t worry,” the princess reassures her. “I don’t have any friends too.”

Then she grabs her hand and drags her away to explore the castle. She could tell that the younger girl was excited to tell someone else about the paths and hidden doorways she’s discovered all on her own. Through all of this, Nayeon kept thinking that the princess would be safe in case someone lays siege to the castle. It was never a bad thing to be prepared.

She was also privileged to see more of the girl’s gummy smiles. Nayeon would need to up her training regimen because her heart doesn’t seem to be working quite as well around the princess. That probably wasn’t healthy.

-

She was in the middle of beating up another senior in one of the training fields of the military academy when Sunmi walked somewhere near and appeared to be watching their fight. It wasn’t really something remarkable, just one of the normal spars that she has these days, no one really challenging her anymore at the age of 15.

When she has the guy eating the grass with his arms locked behind his back, Sunmi jogs over and pats her on the head. She lets go of her sparring mate and he salutes to both of them before jogging away with a bit of a limp.

“That was a good fight,” Sunmi says with a smirk.

“Was it?” she asks, doubtful of the general’s opinion. “It feels mediocre.”

“Well that’s the goal here. I want you to be so good that everyone else will seem weak,” the general answers. “That way you won’t get killed.”

She just hums in reply. Truthfully, she was getting bored. None of the seniors here want to take her up on a fight anymore. The one she just fought with lost some kind of bet with his friends and had to challenge her. He didn’t even put up a good fight.

“You should really socialize more, you know that?” Sunmi says out of the blue while walking with her towards the castle.

“I have the princess,” she replies immediately.

“I know. If the king and I didn’t separate you two regularly, you’d be stuck together,” Sunmi laughs. “But you’re all alone in the academy and I think it’s time to introduce you to new people.”

“No,” she says without missing a beat.

“I’m not giving you a choice, kid. You’re getting your own team,” Sunmi grins cheekily at her.

“A team? Not a battalion?” she asks.

“A battalion is more my kind of thing, kid,” Sunmi clarifies. “You get a team because.”

“Because what?”

“Because the king wants a specialized team to conduct some of the more challenging missions he  has,” Sunmi says grudgingly.

She tries to think about what’s not being said. A specialized team probably meant they wouldn’t be doing things like other soldiers do. They’ll likely be doing missions outside of the North, infiltration and perhaps an assassination here and there. She’s surprised Sunmi would let her become part of what seems to be a suicide squad.

“The king asked for you, specifically, to lead,” Sunmi probably reads her expression. “He seems to think you’re excellent enough to succeed.”

“Don’t you?” she challenges the general, trying to hide the hurt at being slighted.

Sunmi straightens up from her slouch and looks her right in the eyes.

“You know very well that I know you are the absolute best, soldier,” the general starts. “But you should also know how much I’ve come to care for you, Nayeon.”

“I know. But if it’s what’s asked of me, I will do it,” she says honestly. “It will be good for the kingdom and good for—”

“For your princess, yes?” Sunmi goads her.

She feels her cheeks warm up but doesn’t let it affect her anymore than that. Sunmi already looks satisfied at her teasing.

“When will I meet this team? And have I met them before?” she asks.

“Chances are that you have, but do you even pay attention to your fellow soldiers outside of their weaknesses? Do their faces even register?” her general asks her knowingly.

“Weaknesses are all I need.”

“Not with a team. With a team, you’ll also need their strengths,” the older responds.

“Noted, commander. What are my tasks?”

“You will be moving out of home,” Sunmi says, looking sad.

Nayeon is still amazed at how much the general lets her guard down around her. Normally, no one would be able to discern any emotion from the woman’s face, but here she is, looking like just another parent who’s kid has finally grown up. Nayeon feels faintly pained at this.

“W-will I be going to that house then?” she asks, cursing herself for stuttering.

“Yes. It is time to face that part of your past, but you’ll have a team of five with you. The best of the best, of course,” the general assures her.

“Understood.”

“They have been sent in advance to the place, the cleaning is done and they have already moved in. Even your possessions have been placed this morning.”

“I see.”

“You’ll always have a home, in my place, kid,” Sunmi smiles lopsidedly at her. “The king is an inconsiderate asshole, most times. It’s a good thing Mina takes after the queen, yes?”

“I agree,” Nayeon says quietly.

Sunmi pats her on the head before hugging her. They don’t show much physical affection to each other, but since this is one of the first goodbyes they would have to face, Nayeon hugs her back. She feels like the world has suddenly changed but some things will always stay the same. The assurance that she still has Sunmi would be enough.

Nayeon was going to become a leader.

She salutes Sunmi as she walks away. Nayeon silently heads to a house on the outskirts of the kingdom.

-

The house is noisy. Somehow, she expected it to be deadly silent.

She knocks on the door briefly, just trying to remember the warmth she once felt for the place. It’s clearly no longer home. But then, her home was with two people, so that’s only to be expected. Still, it feels like disrespecting her former family. She would have to get used to it.

A short-haired blonde girl greets her at the door. A crisp salute matched with a shit-eating grin. That’s definitely going to take some getting used to.

“Captain Im?" the girl questions.

“Gather the others.”

And the girl does as said. Four other people now stand at attention in the living room. They look respectful of her but she doesn’t know how to react to that. She was the best, that was widely understood, but she has never had to lead in training. That would have come in her sixteenth year, way younger than the usual twentieth year before one is supposed to command, and now it seems she’s going to have to do it at fifteen.

“Introduce yourselves,” she says to them them.

They start from left to right.

“Yoo Jeongyeon, personally trained by Bae Joohyun,” the blonde girl asays.

Trained by their best archer, this girl would present them with range. Joohyun was a very competent soldier. Her months training in archery left her arms aching for weeks after.

“Minatozaki Sana, trained by Master Kim Taeyeon,” the bubbly brunette chirps.

What an interesting person. To be trained by the North’s master potioneer, this girl must be extremely skillful in poisons and the like. Even Nayeon has trained briefly under Taeyeon and knows enough to know most things Sunmi deemed necessary for her education. She wouldn’t have minded training under the Master for longer, but she feared Mina would never talk to her again if she stayed longer. The princess didn’t like the potioneer, it seemed.

“Kim Taehyung, trained by Ok Taecyeon,” the raven-haired boy with a boxy smile says.

A brawler, then. They seemed to be giving her a complete team. Taecyeon was a beast at hand-to-hand combat. She’s been thrown at walls over and over again during that particular period of her life. If this guy survived what she did, he has her respect. Her muscles ache at the reminder of her training, but there’s still satisfaction at having punched the chirpy man’s face so hard he broke his nose on their last day of training.

“Jeon Jungkook, master smith,” the youngest looking kid with coconut hair introduces himself.

Well, they would need weapons, indeed. He seems very young but then she’s probably the oldest and she’s only fifteen. She doesn’t know any blacksmiths because the weapons are always provided in her training, so she doesn’t know who would have trained this kid. He doesn’t seem to be the type to overestimate himself, though, so she’ll believe him. Besides, Sunmi probably had a hand in creating this team.

“Hirai Momo, trained by general Sunmi,” the raven-haired girl with shouder-length hair says.

This one was vaguely familiar. She’s seen some other soldiers-in-training sparring with Sunmi. She recalls an instance where one student came close to disarming the general, other than herself, of course. If this one had Sunmi’s approval, she will have Nayeon’s.

It’s time for her own introduction.

“Im Nayeon, trained by most of the higher-ups in our military. Best at the sword, second only to the general, but also knowledgeable in other fields, enough to get the approval of your masters, aside from Jeon.”

“What now, Captain?” Minatozaki asks her, eyes keen.

“Now, well we are to be a team. I think the best course of action would be to train in each other’s specialties because I will not lose any of you in a mission just because your skills are too limited,” she starts.

“But mostly, you will have to tell me what you think would be best to help further you along. I am supposed to be the leader because I have probably had the most time spent towards strategy and infiltration, but you are probably the best in your own ways. I respect that,” she continues.

“That was really damn, wordy,” Yoo says, relaxing now.

“We all know you’re the best of the best, Captain” Kim perks up.

“We need to set up a forge here if you guys want me to teach you,” Jeon adds enthusiastically.

“We need a garden and some chickens,” Hirai says solemnly.

This would be an interesting team.

-

If she was told that they would be the most feared squad in all of the kingdoms, well she’d have believed it. And they were. But that was a memory for another time. Right now, the would-be future king of this kingdom was pushed against the wall of the his own temporary room.

All of that training and all of those missions, yet here she is, using her skills on this weak man. She wanted more of a challenge from someone who was supposed to rule by Mina’s side.

“If you step even a foot out of line, I will not hesitate to kill you in your sleep, kingship or no,” she says icily.

This man didn’t even have the courage to fight against her. She did have a sword against his throat, but still.

“Mina will not be just an armpiece. She is as competent as you, probably even more so if we’re being honest,” she muses.

“W-why are you doing this to me?” the prince asks.

And wasn’t it just annoying that this man would be Mina’s future? A stuttering idiot who beat up other idiots in a traditional competition of the North. She has trouble remembering why she didn’t just say fuck it and entered the competition herself.

“Because I want you to know that I control your military. Every single soldier answers to me and my team. This will be your kingdom, but Mina will be queen.”

“Does she know of this?” he asks weakly.

“She probably suspects. But you will not breathe a word of this to her. I will know.”

“O-okay then. Will you please let me go now?”

“Of course,” she says, sheathing her sword.

She pats his shoulder and smiles at him. The fearful response he has to that is extremely satisfying.

“I’ll be watching you, little prince,” she says before walking away.

What an awful way to meet Mina’s future husband. But it had to be done. She won’t have Mina’s authority undermined the way the current king undermines the queen. He probably gave her all of this power for this purpose. At least they agreed on this one thing.

-

She knocks on Mina’s door.

“Who is it?” the princess calls out.

“It’s me,” she answers.

The door opens and she enters. The princess was probably crying again. It tears at her heart, but it needs to be done.

“Done brooding on the roofs again?” Mina asks her.

“Yes, Momo brought me down.”

“Momo…Well, have you any thoughts on my engagement?” Mina looks at her wistfully.

“No one is worthy of you, my lady,” Nayeon smiles at her sadly.

“I take it you’ve scared the poor soul into submission already?”

She flushes at that. It was necessary but Mina likes to tease her about being overprotective most times. She knows the princess appreciates her efforts, though, so it’s always worth it.

“I shall neither confirm nor deny it,” she replies evenly.

“Still don’t want to run away together?” Mina asks her again.

She wants to just carry this woman out of the castle and live out their lives peacefully, truth be told. But she knows better than to indulge in her dreams.

“I do, Mina,” she says honestly. “But the kingdom needs you.”

“Well then the kingdom shall have me, but not before the day I marry,” the princess looks at her, eyes pleading softly. “You shall have me now.”

What bitter poison it is to have the person you want by your fingertips. Mina approaches her and cups her cheeks. They’ve been in this position before, when they were painfully aware that Mina was going to be someone else’s. She kisses her softly.

“Mina—”

“Nayeon,” Mina says breathily against her lips.

Gods forsake her but she’s nowhere near strong enough to resist this.

Mina kisses her again, this time more insistent. She opens her mouth to protest but that proves to be the wrong move because it only gives Mina the chance to kiss her more deeply.

She crumbles.

This can’t be wrong. Not yet. Not as they remove their clothing, piece by piece. Not as Mina is still unclaimed. Not as she’s still free.

Someday she will be married, and Nayeon will stay away. But not now.

Not now as Mina’s sinful cries ring out in her room. Not now as she falls apart so beautifully in Nayeon’s arms.

Because in this moment, she’s not a bloody general and Mina’s not a princess.

For now, just for now, she will freely love.

They’re just two people in love.

Even if it kills her inside.

She’ll have this to treasure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments are appreciated, but go easy on my very fragile ego please T_T


	3. Of tragedies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't write fight scenes :D or like write in general but i've been in a mood so.

She’s stands in front of a mirror, wearing her full uniform, hair tied up with a black leather band. All of her badges and medals are shiny and well-polished in her sash. Her trusted sword is hanging on her hips. She looked perfect.

“Hey, captain, you’re looking really sharp there,” she sees Sana’s reflection smirking at her from the door, entering her private room unannounced like usual.

She feels helpless.

“What do you mean? I always look sharp,” she says mechanically.

Sana approaches her, patting down her epaulettes like they weren’t already perfect. And then she hugs her from the back.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m giving you a hug, you dummy,” Sana mumbles, face buried in her neck.

“But why?” she asks.

“Oh, please. You can’t possibly believe that any one of us doesn’t know how much this kills you,” the potioneer replies readily.

She likes to think she’s put up a brave front throughout the whole ordeal of Mina’s wedding. Turns out she hasn’t.

“I will be walking her down the aisle,” she says stonily.

When Mina asked her and not the king, she was promptly devastated. The king looked neutral about it but that’s probably because it would send the message to everyone that their kingdom’s ruler is under the absolute protection of their ruthless and powerful military. The queen looked at her with sympathy and it hurt more than the king’s indifference.

She could understand why Mina wanted her to do this. It’s one last shot at everything they could be. She thinks about all the excuses that could be made, surely such an event warrants detailed security led by her. But she takes one look at Mina’s pleading eyes and she agrees.

It felt a lot like dying all over again.

She lost her family twice already. Now she’s being asked to willingly give up the love of her life.

If some higher being is out there, they must really hate her.

“Captain, Sattang, the ceremony’s about to begin,” Momo tells them from the door.

Sana finally disentangles herself from her. She takes one last deep breath, and heads for the door.

-

They were going to die, she’s pretty sure about that. This was the suicide mission of all suicide missions, meant to cement their military’s prowess across the kingdoms. It’s not outright war. It hasn’t been an outright war since the dark ages for them, and for that she’s glad.

But she’s going to die without getting to see Mina smile one last time. How pathetic is that? Her only consolation is that her team is safe back in the North because this was a mission fit for only her and Sunmi. They’re sitting side by side on the floor of a tavern, a princess from the East lying unconscious on the floor.

They were supposed to retrieve the princess from the most feared group of criminals called the Vox and they succeeded, but not without casualties. She was bleeding slightly in her arm. Sunmi was limping a bit from taking a fall during their escape.

Any minute now, the men were going to catch up to them. They killed many of the main members and she’s pretty sure they would haunt her nightmares if she had any chance of surviving this. It’s only a matter of time now.

“So this is it, huh,” Sunmi chuckles next to her.

She chuckles too, though it’s probably tainted with sadness.

“You were so small when I found you in that chest,” her general starts. “I thought my heart was going to burst out of my chest when I laid my eyes on you.”

“Was I that horrifying to look at?” she jests.

“No,” Sunmi replies. “You looked very put together. Not a single tear from you.”

“Then why the racing heart?” she asks, curious about her reasoning.

“Because I knew right then and there that you were mine.”

Something lodges itself in her throat. A sob, perhaps.

“I was so awkward back then, too young to know what to say to you youngins,” Sunmi laughs.

“I wanted to disappear that day, you know?” she says, holding back tears.

“I know,” Sunmi sighs softly. “But I needed to give you a shot at living. What kind of parent would I have been if I let you do that?”

“You were barely 25, you were hardly ready to be a parent,” she shakily answers.

She remembers Sunmi back then and tries to reconcile it with Sunmi now. She’s become much softer, more understanding with time. Still so wise and strong. Everything she needed to guide her while growing up.

“When you know, you know. Family isn’t always blood. I’d like to think we’ve been family for years,” Sunmi says wistfully.

“Yeah,” she whispers. “We have.”

“I love you, kid,” Sunmi laughs at her meek voice.

“I,” she pauses, trying to voice just how much this person matters to her. “I love you too. So, so much.”

A tear falls from Sunmi’s eyes but the general wipes it off quickly.

“We should hide her in one of the closets here,” she offers to her general, trying to lighten the mood.

“You hate failing, don’t you?”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“We could escape and live to tell the tale,” Sunmi smiles at her but gets up and starts walking to the unconscious princess anyway.

It’s not like the thought hasn’t crossed her mind, but they both know they could never. The princess was an innocent, probably near her age too. Innocents are worth dying for, just as much as Mina is worth living for.

“We’d never sleep again. Too much guilt,” she elaborates.

They both chuckle at that. They move the princess into a closet. If they’re lucky, the criminals wouldn’t bother checking the place thoroughly, assuming the reinforcements from the East Kingdom arrived early to retrieve the princess.

Their last stand was approaching. She figures there’s no better way to go out in this world than by Sunmi’s side. The enemies arrive, two burly men and the leader. He looks at them with pure hatred in his eyes.

“Why the fuck are you Northerners interfering with us?” he spits out, holding off his companions.

They were all carrying swords. She’s kind of thankful at that. They would die fighting, ended by a blade. Not bad.

“Orders. Please don’t mind us,” Sunmi answers him cheekily.

“We escaped you once, general. Don’t think we can’t do it again,” he smirks suddenly. “Remember that family you failed? Well, I certainly do.”

Her heart starts beating faster. What the fuck was this man going on about?

“So it was you. Why?” Sunmi asks, knuckles turning white from gripping her sword too tightly.

“Well I had to end the West’s legacy somehow,” he laughs. “But look who stands beside you. I’ve been keeping tabs but it seems you haven’t.”

“What—” she tries to say, confused at the conversation and feeling completely out of the loop.

Then a dagger is flying to her chest. How stupid was she to get wrapped up in a meaningless conversation? It will be a quick death.

She closes her eyes and thinks of Mina’s gummy smile. Maybe they’ll meet again in another life.

But the hit never comes.

No.

No. No. No. No. No—

“Kid,” Sunmi rasps. “I’m sorry I failed you.”

There’s a thud on the floor.

Her general fell.

The man’s eyes were glinting with mirth.

Blood is inky black in candlelight.

“How touching,” the man mocks.

“A-ask the king,” her last remaining parent wheezes, blood starting to pour form her mouth. “You’re legacy.”

“Noble ‘til the end, aren’t you?” he continues mocking her.

“I’m,” she breathes, too deep, too loud to be anything than that damned death rattle she’s heard for what feels like a thousand times. “I’m so proud to be your parent. So proud of you”

Then the light goes out of Sunmi’s eyes. The generals face falls to the side, no life left for Sunmi to keep looking at Nayeon.

“Her head is going to get me tons of gold,” the man laughs loudly.

She blacks out.

-

The next thing she remembers is soldiers, wearing a different uniform from her, trying to pry her general’s body away from her. She very nearly cuts one’s head off with the sword in her right hand but the it slips away from her grip. She was covered in blood.

She was dirtying Sunmi.

She lets go.

She takes off her long-sleeved uniform and does her best to wipe off the blood from her hands, leaving her in an undershirt. She stands up and sheathes her sword. Sunmi’s sword isn’t far away either, so she gets it and puts it back where it belongs, by Sunmi’s side.

She carries Sunmi’s body.

It feels so light. Too light. Maybe this wasn’t real.

“Your princess is in the closet by the kitchen,” she says.

The soldiers scramble to check. She gets out of the godSforsaken tavern and walks off.

She blacks out again.

-

She was thirteen and stupid when she goes home red-faced and breathing heavily from her hand-to-hand combat training. Sunmi was sitting in the living room reading a book.

“Did you get a few hits in?” Sunmi asks her.

“Broke his nose,” she replies, pride in her voice.

“Proud of you,” Sunmi laughs.

This is home.

-

The funeral is a solemn affair. Had it been anything less, Nayeon would have raged and decimated a chunk of their military force. But the king had enough sense in his head to respect Sunmi’s death and service to the kingdom. Even the Eastern King sent an envoy to send their deepest regrets for Sunmi’s death.

Thousands of men and women in previously crisp uniform were getting soaked in the rain while she walks ahead with the rest of her team, carrying the casket.

She thought she would die first. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. She wasn’t supposed to survive the same thing twice. She should be in the casket, not her moth—not her general.

They bury the simple wooden box in the ground. No sound made by a single soldier, just wet dirt splashing messily into grass.

When it’s done, she turns around and looks at the people Sunmi led.

She shouldn’t be here.

Nobody moves.

They’re all soaking wet by now, only the royal family remained dry.

She couldn’t look at them. Not yet.

She salutes, and everyone returns the gesture.

She walks off without a word.

She heads home and goes straight into Sunmi’s room. She locks the door and sits down, back against it.  

She doesn’t know what to do now.

It was raining in the room.

Maybe the roof had a leak.

Her face is still getting wet no matter how much she wipes it off.

She doesn’t leave the room for a whole day.

-

“It’s really done now, huh,” Jeongyeon muses at her side. “Been thinking about the East’s offer to you?”

When Sunmi died, the Eastern Kingdom was very keen on getting her on their side. As if. She could never leave.

“Didn’t peg you to be prone to bouts of stupidity, Jeongyeon,” she deadpans.

“Ohh,” Jeongyeon smirks at her. “Touchy. But I get it. I think the Eastern princess has been eyeing you the whole time we’ve been here, though,” her second-in-command winks at her before walking off.

She sips at the wine she’s holding. Her team can manage to hold together this whole damn affair on their own. Or so she’s been told.

She _has_ noticed the staring. The face is very familiar, just 2 years ago that face was unconscious on a tavern floor.

From her peripheral vision, she sees the princess done gathering her courage to approach her. She does her the favor of approaching first.

She kneels down appropriately, left hand on her back and right hand offered to the princess. Nayeon looks her in the eyes and sees that she’s blushing. Maybe it was too cold in the room.

A delicate hand is put into her callused but gloved one. She kisses it, as is custom.

She rises up and smiles kindly at the differences in their height.

“Princess Jihyo Park of the Eastern Kingdom,” she says. “To what do I owe the honor of your attention?”

The princess smiles self-deprecatingly at that. She doesn’t like that look. The princess looks splendid in light green gown, especially with her tanned skin. She is very representative of their kingdom filled with hot sunlight. What was there to be upset about?

“I owe you my life,” she says quietly. “And your general too.”

Oh. So it was that. The thought has crossed her mind to blame someone for her mother’s death but she has come to terms with it in the past year. She was put in command of Sunmi’s army because of her competence, so she shouldn’t blame herself either, though it does not stop her from doing so in her darker moments.

“We chose to save you from Vox and now they are gone,” she replies. “It was an honor to do so. My general would say the same if she were here.”

The princess looks like she’s about to cry. She hands her a handkerchief.

“Thank you.”

“Is that all?” she asks kindly.

“I also want to tell you myself that I’ve been told that I will stay in this castle for a while,” the princess says.

“Princess?” she asks for elaboration.

“My father, the king, wants a connection to the North. My brother is going to rule the East anyway, not me, so he asked your king if he had anyone in mind for me to—”

“To marry?” she asks, voice rising from her normal tone.

“Yes,” the princess blushes to the tip of her ears.

“To whom? I promise I will put the fear of the gods into whoever is blessed with your hand,” she says.

Something about Princess Jihyo is telling her she’s someone to be protected. She’s also stronger than she looks considering how she survived the ordeal they all went through. There’s still a light gash on the princess’ forehead from when a man from Vox thought it was a fun thing to slice her.

“To you.”

Her ears are ringing now. She cannot possibly have heard that right. She clenches her fists to remain calm.

“I beg your pardon, my lady,” Nayeon says weakly.

“The North has always been open to same-sex marriages, and the East is no different,” Jihyo starts, now looking down and still blushing. “The issue of an heir is no problem because I’m not the child meant to rule.”

“Are you being forced?” she asks.

“No,” Jihyo says, looking quite honest. “But I will not force you, should you find that you do not want me. I’m being given the freedom to do as I please, so long as your king allows it.”

“I see,” she says, already thinking of who could be worthy of this princess. “I shall do my best to help you find someone fit for you and will care for you.”

“It can’t be you?” Jihyo asks her curiously.

She can’t help but look at Mina, the center of attention in this party. She looks ethereal.

“It can’t.”

“I see,” Jihyo smiles sadly at her. “I can’t help but try anyway,” she says while laughing.

The princess curtsies and leaves her to her thoughts.

It’s like she’s never meant to catch a break in this life, honestly.

The hilarity of the situation feels like a balm to the broken pieces of her heart. Maybe it hurts a fraction less.

-

She waits at the start of the carpet, just outside the building’s door. And then she hears the footsteps. She turns around and wonders if this too will haunt her in her dreams.

Mina dressed in white, looking out of this world, dripping in elegance and grace, walking towards her and looking at her with so much love in her eyes. She tries to capture every second in her mind, but it comes to an end all too soon.

No one else is around, a tradition long held in the North. The person who walks you down the aisle is someone who cares for you like no other. They are given a moment of peace.

She breathes deeply, feeling the start of cracks rebreaking in her chest.

“You look beautiful,” she says reverently.

“As do you, my love,” Mina replies, eyes shining.

She gives into the urge one last time, kissing every mole in Mina’s face before ever so gently kissing her lips.

She is dying inside.

“In another life,” she mutters against Mina’s lips, their foreheads touching.

“In another life,” Mina responds.

They separate and she offers Mina her arm. They take their places in front of the door and Nayeon knocks. It opens.

The music is beautiful but why does it feel like a death march. Every step they take closer to the altar, more pieces of their hearts break off.

They’re at the front in no time.

Mina lets go of her arm and instead offers her hand to Nayeon.

She takes it and kisses it before handing it to this man she can’t even bear to look at.

She’s comforted with the knowledge that this man cowers at her presence.

She smiles at Mina one last time before she takes her place in the ceremony.

Every minute feels like a lifetime.

And then the kiss has to happen between the two.

She looks down at her polished leather shoes. Everyone else cheers.

Death would have been kinder than this.

Her face is wet again.

It isn’t even raining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout at me in my cc in @_moxx04a also,,, comments are highly appreciated :(((


	4. Jump Forward

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm like really dumb, don't judge me too harshly lmfao

Loud cries pierce the air. It kind of feels like her heart wants to go wherever the sound was coming from. She barely restrains herself from running towards the room Mina is in. And then the midwife finally comes out and gestures the soon-to-be king inside.

She tries not to let the bitterness show on her face. She would not be welcome. Not right now.

She stands up and signals for Jungkook to remain in place and guard the royal family. She walks away, to where she can’t hear the cries anymore.

-

“General!” she hears someone call her.

She turns around and sees the Eastern princess indeed still present in their castle. The discussion of patrols with Jeongyeon could wait.

“Princess,” she replies, “is there anything I can do for you today?”

“How many times do I have to tell you to just call me Jihyo?” the princess says with an admirable pout.

She tries not to smile at the adorable expression on the other.

“And how many times do I have to tell you that it would be improper of me, my lady?” Nayeon replies smoothly.

“I could have been your lady if you’d just,” she hears the girl murmur.

She keeps a straight face, but she’s unsure if she kept the blush from her face successfully. Judging by the snickers from Sana who’s heading towards them, she did not succeed.

“Let my uptight captain be, _my_ lady,” Sana says with a cheeky smile. “She already set us up, no need to torture her more.”

“Oh come on, Sana,” Jihyo whines. “It’s been five years and she still calls me ‘princess’ or ‘my lady.’ It’s not like she doesn’t consider us friends yet.”

She smirks at that. Princess Jihyo was indeed very determined and insistent when it came to friendship. Even a failed one-sided attempt at romance did not stop her from getting to know her. It was a good thing that she noticed the way her potioneer looked at the Eastern princess. She’s seen that fond longing before, when she was still young and unburdened.

“ _She_ is right here, and you know I’ve told you that you can call me Nayeon when it’s just us,” she finally surrenders. “I just think there’s nothing wrong with calling you princess.”

For that, she gets a pout from both of them.

Idiots. Her idiots, but idiots still.

“Where’s are you heading to, Sana?”

“Oh, Taeyeon told me to go to Princess Mina. I heard that she just gave birth,” Sana looks at her, trying to subtly take in her reaction.

Her friends were ridiculous if they thought she didn’t notice the way they worried about her. It was nice, though, to know that they cared. She couldn’t blame them either, not when she went on another do-or-die mission after the wedding 5 years ago.

That time, Mina wasn’t the one to pull her back from drowning.

“Go. The family is there, now. Jungkook’s on guard, don’t mess with him today,” she lightly orders, knowing Sana’s penchant for messing with the youngest.

She claps Sana’s shoulder and offers her arm to Jihyo, which the younger eagerly takes.

“Take care of my girl!” Sana calls after them.

She just raises her hand in acknowledgement.

They head to the gardens and sit down on one of the benches.

“So, how does it feel?” Jihyo starts.

“How does what feel?”

Jihyo doesn’t even bother to reply at the obvious deflection.

“It hurts,” she admits after a moment.

The garden was beautiful. Flowers of every kind in bloom, along with vegetables that the cooks use to feed the people in the castle. Spring brought life to the castle just like it did every year before. Almost good enough to cover the pain she felt when Mina first told her she’s with child 9 months before.

“Is that resentment I hear?” Jihyo teases her.

“No,” she considers. “Never. Not when I chose this for us.”

And she did. Mina would have run away with her had she asked. But she wasn’t someone worthy of Mina. Not with her bloody hands, not when there are better people out there for her.

She’s loathed to admit it, but even the prince is a better choice for Mina than her if one looked beyond his capacity to protect his family. That was her job anyway. But fear she’s instilled into him is still something she considers necessary, even the king approves.

They certainly look good together. His dark hair and broad build isn’t bad to look at. He’s royalty after all, nobility from the West. She’d kill him in a heartbeat if he ever plans on endangering Mina’s life.

“Are we going to find you bleeding in your room again?” Jihyo whispers, letting a little bit of fear bleed into her voice.

That certainly wasn’t Nayeon’s brightest moment. She just came back from decimating a mercenary group that’s been raising chaos near the borders of Eastern kingdom. The North and East have been cooperating better ever since the destruction of Vox, so Jihyo’s father asked her king to lend a team for the mission.

It was just a few weeks after Mina’s wedding and Nayeon was itching for an excuse to go outside the kingdom. Having to see Mina daily in the castle was destroying her, so she took it.

She succeeded, of course, but she was also a bit delirious after losing blood after the countless fights she fought that night. The mercenaries weren’t stupid either, and banded together instead of letting her pick them off one by one. She didn’t finish them off without getting a few cuts here and there, the worst one in her back, now scarred over.

She went home directly after that mission, not bothering to report to the king. He would’ve told her to get checked out by Sana and that was the farthest thing from her mind at the time. She just wanted to sleep and shut down. She would’ve gotten what she wanted too, had she not been too tired to close her door before lying down on her bed.

The next thing she remembers after lying down is a burning pain in her back, and hands pinning her down onto the bed. There were also vague sounds of shouting in the background. She was later told the sounds were Jihyo’s sobbing and Sana’s angry litany at having found their leader bleeding and dying in their house. She didn’t make a sound despite the pain.

She decides to finally reply to Jihyo.

“Not unless there’s another mission like that, no,” she says lightly.

“That mission was meant for two squads,” Jihyo rebuts.

“You’ve been spending too much time with my team,” she smiles. “Princesses shouldn’t bother with us measly soldiers, you know?”

“You are an absolute idiot,” Jihyo tells her.

“So are you,” she grins. “And besides, I promised Jeongyeon I would at least take her with me during missions like that.”

“After threatening you that she’d tell Mina,” Jihyo deadpans.

“They know me too well, I’m afraid,” she smiles lopsidedly.

-

She doesn’t want to disappoint Mina again with her nonsensical stunts. She already did that once, and Mina was no longer in the position to knock some sense into her the way she used to. She now has a kingdom to rule over, even if the King was still the ruler in name. They were starting the transition, to show a strong front to every other kingdom.

She also doesn’t want to hurt her team anymore than she already did. Apparently everyone was in tears when Sana poured that healing potion all over her back, even Sana herself even if the woman was cursing at her all the while. She’s kind of glad that she didn’t spiral further than she did. Unlike the first time when Sunmi died, she had people depending on her now, and it was said blatantly to her face.

_“You fucking dumbass, Im Nayeon,” Jeongyeon shouts at her, voice hoarse. “We’re a team, stop trying to leave us.”_

_“Who would brood with me on roofs if you insist on dying?” Momo sniffles, still trying to cheer her up._

_Jungkook and Taehyung were both just sobbing in the background, but that was to be expected from them, always the softest out of all of them, and never afraid to admit it. She feels so fond of everyone, the emptiness in her veins finally letting up, still heavy and thick, but just like before, she’s been handed a rope to climb up._

_“Even if you die on us, I’m bringing you back,” Sana says angrily._

_She loves them._

-

“Is this a talk with the princess or Mina?” she asks.

The inside of Mina’s room was still the same. Regal, but not excessive. It also appears to be frequently used. Her heart is thankful for that.

“I didn’t know you still considered the two separate,” Mina mutters, defeated.

She hates how much of her is still at the hands of this woman. It seems that years can pass but her feelings will remain locked on someone no longer hers to love.

“Mina,” she starts.

“I know,” Mina says defeatedly. “I’m sorry I’ve been short with you.”

And the princess _has_ been more moody these days. She put it up to those annoying self-satisfied dignitaries that want to suck up to the North. She’s been with her at every meeting, of course. Jeongyeon only calls on her for decisions when it’s absolutely necessary, meaning she’s pretty much free to be a glorified bodyguard.

They’ve been getting much better at staying sane when around each other. It’s more of an achievement considering the king has been pestering Mina to have a chi—

Oh.

“You get it now,” Mina says.

She’s very quickly in a controlled rage.

“Did he force you?” she asks quietly.

Mina only smiles at her sadly.

“It’s been four years,” her former lover says. “I’ve been putting it off ever for too long. He’s a good man.”

She pushes her hair back unnecessarily, needing to do something and feeling like she’s burning from the inside with pain.

She can’t be here. Not now. She leaves the room and slams the door in her rush.

She doesn’t go too far. Her eyes getting too blurry with tears to escape more thoroughly. Anyone could stumble upon her but the gods respect her enough to spare her that.

She breaks down, with broken, heaving sobs that she’s only let out once before. And wasn’t it ironic that this happened once for a death, and now it’s for a brand new life. A life that’s half Mina.

She shouldn’t be feeling this. She doesn’t have the right. She’s a soldier, a woman. She can’t give Mina this. It doesn’t hurt any less.

She cries for what feels like eternity, until there’s nothing left.

And then her logic and love take over.

She stands up and heads back towards Mina’s room. The few maids that pass her give her berth and wide-eyed stares. She probably looks terrible.

She can hear the sobs from outside.

She doesn’t bother to knock, just goes right in and hugs the woman bent over the edge of her bed. She’s an asshole for freaking out over something she knew was coming, one way or another. Now, she’s just glad that it was Mina's choice.

“Princess, I’m okay now. I’m sorry,” she says soothingly.

Her voice is probably far from soothing right now, though. Sobbing loudly tends to do that.

“Am I even your princess anymore?” Mina asks her between heaving sobs.

“Minari, I need you to breathe. This can’t be good for the child,” she replies. “And you will always be my princess, what do you mean?”

“You have Jihyo now,” Mina says, calming down a bit.

“Mina,” she laughs lightly. “Jihyo is with Sana. I swear you have me.”

Mina finally looks at her with that. She’s still so lovely, even with her puffy eyes.

“Even with this?” she asks, gesturing generally at herself.

Silly lady. Nayeon was hers the moment Sunmi introduced them.

“I’m sorry I made you think I would ever hate something that’s a part of you,” she says calmly. “It just got to me how much he can give you that I can’t, but I’m yours wholly, Mina. And I understand.”

“You don’t have to stay because I need you, you know?” Mina says, looking close to tears again, but still looking her in the eyes.

“I stay because I want to, Minari. I was your friend long before I was your lover. Now, I’ll be whatever you need and want me to be.”

A hint of sadness and resignation flits into her princess’ eyes just then.

“What I need you to be and what I want you to be are very different things,” Mina whispers.

She doesn’t reply to that. Just bumps her forehead with Mina’s.

No matter how much they may love each other, adultery is a sin they don’t want to commit. They would not dishonor each other in that way. It would be hypocritical of Nayeon if she did that anyway, seeing as she’s keeping a close watch on the prince who’d better not be cheating on her beloved.

Mina chuckles, probably reading the expression on her face.

“He can find love somewhere else, you know?” Mina huffs. “I wouldn’t mind.”

“He can find love indeed, but he should limit that love just as—,” she says, pausing a bit at the presumptuous words about to come from her mouth. “Just as you and I do.”

“It’s not fair for us to expect the same thing from him, I think,” Mina breathes out. “After all, he has to deal with the fact that the love of my life is constantly in my presence.”

Her face warms at the words. It is nice to know that even years of emotional distance cannot break their bond. Perhaps that was because they could never really leave each other’s side in the end.

“I love you,” Nayeon whispers. “I love you more than I thought was possible in this life. And I will love and protect your child just as much.”

She can have room for doubts later. Right now, all she knows is that this woman right here, looking disheveled and lost, has her heart. Everything else will fall into place.

-

“Captain!” she hears Taehyung exclaim from a distance.

Jihyo left a few moments earlier, something about a meeting with the royals for the upcoming celebration of Mina’s child. She was just taking her time and savoring the peace, because the next few weeks are bound to be chaotic.

“Captain!” Taehyung repeats, now in front of her, looking as energetic as a puppy.

“What?” she asks the man calmly.

“Jungkook told me to fetch you,” he grins at her.

She snickers at that. Those two were still as thick as thieves.

“And why is that?”

“The princess is calling for you! In the nursery!” he exclaims, hands flying in his excitement. “Jungkook told me you’d skin him alive if he left his post so I spared him my service.”

“He was always very reasonable,” she smirks. “Thank you Taeh, I’ll go there now. Please leave some of the pie for the rest of the family, but you can have a slice,” she tells him while walking away.

It was a short walk without playful princesses or potioneers stopping her along the way. Jungkook was outside standing guard, and when he sees her, he salutes with a cheeky grin on his face. She smirks at him and dismisses him home, he’d have a good time fighting over the pie with Taehyung.

She takes a deep breath. The baby is still crying. She knocks.

“Come in,” she hears Mina call out.

And so she does.

She feels her heart swell in size a hundred times over.

There was Mina, and a child with dark hair on her arms.

“Shouldn’t you be lying down?” she asks.

“Probably,” Mina replies tiredly. “But she hasn’t settled down yet.”

It was a girl. Mina had a daughter.

She should be hurting but she can’t, not when Mina looks so at peace. She’s radiant.

“What’s her name?” she asks again, walking closer to the pair.

“I haven’t decided yet,” Mina says softly.

She finally sees the child up close.

She looked like any normal child. Beautiful, if not a bit too pink at the moment.

She wonders at how fast her heart is beating anyway. How strange.

“Do you want to hold her?”

“I—” she hesitates.

What if she drops the child? What if she hates Nayeon? What if she suffocates in her arms? What if—

“Here, you go,” Mina starts handing her the child.

Nayeon was going to die.

“Just support her head like this,” Mina tells her, positioning her arms properly.

The crying has stopped. The child was looking at her in fascination. She certainly felt the same.

“Why are you crying?” Mina asks her worriedly.

So she _was_ crying. She can’t help it though.

It’s not sadness that she feels. It’s an overwhelming wave of fondness and love for someone new. She didn’t think it would feel like this. She was set on feeling torn about the child, but then she remembers Sunmi’s words.

_“When you know, you know. Family isn’t always blood.”_

“You know, I’m supposed to be the tough one around here but,” she smiles. “I can’t help myself right now. I’ve never been happier to be alive.”

“Tzuyu,” Mina grins. “We’ll name her Tzuyu.”

“You are so very loved, Princess Tzuyu,” she whispers quietly.

-

Mina and Tzuyu are resting in their room now. She has an important matter to settle.

She has set it aside for too long, not wanting anything to change. But she can’t afford to run away from things anymore. She has a new princess and a future queen to guard with her life. She needs to know.

She enters the king’s study and finally dares to ask.

“What involvement do I have with the West and its legacy?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i finally gave you guys fluff :D (i'm looking at you, clown anon who prompted this mess)


	5. Almost happiness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't proofread again so this is messy :D okay so timeline is Nayeon meets team at 15, Sunmi dies when Nayeon is 17, Mina is engaged at 18, she gets married at 20, Mina has Tzuyu when Nayeon is around 25 :D even i'm confused most of the time hehe

She blocks the sword aimed right at her face. It seems she’s messed around too much, and angered Tzuyu. She dodges another swing now aimed at her shoulder.

She snickers.

She ducks out of the girl’s line of sight and lightly hits her in the forehead with her sword’s pummel. The girl pouts and whimpers at this.

“You’re getting better,” she says proudly. “Maybe we can spar with real swords next time to get you used to the weight.”

“I still haven’t hit you,” Tzuyu says in her usual deadpan voice.

“You’re thirteen, everybody would be surprised if you could hit me,” she pats the girl’s head.

“But I heard you were already having spars like this when you were younger,” the princess says earnestly. “And that you could hit General Sunmi at thirteen.”

“And how did you come across that information, my lady?”

“Some of the maids still giggle about you, sometimes,” Tzuyu grins cheekily.

It’s a wonder how most people think the girl is too reserved. She’s doing just fine, in Nayeon’s opinion. Ahead of her studies, learning how to wield a sword, and apparently observant enough to note small things like that from the people around her.

“Yes, well, my mother was ruthless when she trained me,” she smiles fondly, remembering the mild cuts she got when her mind wandered during training, usually due to Tzuyu’s own mother.

“I still wish I could have met her,” Tzuyu mutters, hugging Nayeon.

She was already as tall as Nayeon’s chest. She’d have a lot more growing to do. Nayeon worries about the day Tzuyu will inevitably grow taller than her. She savors the kid’s youth, hoping for many more years of peace. She hugs her back softly.

“She’d have loved to have met you, kid. I just know it.”

-

“Tell me, general, what do you know about the kingdoms?” the kings asks her.

“Too much, considering all of the assassinations you sent me on, your highness,” she answers honestly.

“And yet not enough,” the king ponders, looking as old as he actually is for the first time in her eyes. “Sit down,” he gestures to the seat in front of his desk.

She hesitates. She came into the room to make sure they would be undisturbed, but she didn’t expect to be accepted right away. She knew how impudent she was being by demanding answers. She sits anyway.

“The North is mountain-locked,” he starts, “We are the most secure as long as we maintain control over the mountains.”

She already knows this, and the frustration must show on her face.

“The West is a frost-covered kingdom, with limited resources but a resilient people. Beautiful too,” he continues. “But the Vox, they were hired by the ruling family’s enemy.”

“But what does this have to do with me?” she asks, patience running out.

“The ruling family was the Lim’s,” he says, looking like he’d rather be elsewhere. “And you, Im Nayeon, were always supposed to be Lim Nayeon.”

Well that wasn’t very creative, was it? The king was probably treating this like a joke. Maybe…maybe Sunmi was just confused in her last moments.

“The King and Queen were young then, the previous ones being taken by illness. But I was friends with the king before he was king, before we had responsibilities,” he goes on. “When they came to my kingdom to ask for asylum, having escaped the Vox with the help of their army, I was ready to give them a place in court.”

“But your father didn’t want any part of ruling anymore. He asked for a house near the outskirts of the kingdom,” he smiled softly. “Your parents settled there, built a life for themselves. They were always haunted by the fact that the West was being run by self-serving people but they couldn’t reveal themselves lest the Vox come after them. They were the last of their family, and they couldn’t let it end with them.”

“When they had you, they were very ecstatic. I sent the very best healers to be there for your birth. Your father was a successful merchant by then, always out in the town, he even lost his pale complexion over the years,” he laughs. “Your mother wanted to stay at home and care for you. And then they had your sister, Yeri.”

“I know the rest of the story,” she cuts him off, not wanting to bring back the old pain of her inability to protect her younger sister. “Did Sunmi know?”

“No,” he says resolutely. “You father didn’t want anyone to know, and I respected that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me earlier?” she asks stoically.

“You were my soldier by then, you were happy.”

“Happy? I destroyed the Vox when Sunmi died. I destroyed myself too,” she grits out. “Why did you let me?”

He contemplates for a moment, never breaking eye contact with her.

“I wanted to let you grieve,” he says. “And then I saw how Mina felt for you and I was selfish.”

“What do you mean?” she asks, alert now.

“I wanted to keep you by her side,” he replies. “You’re the best soldier this kingdom has ever had. I want my daughter safe from all harm.”

“Did it ever occur to you that I would have wanted my legacy?”

“You never asked. You just kept looking at me like I held all the answers,” he says plainly.

“I could have been Mina’s,” she whispers.

“I always wondered why you didn’t enter the competition that day,” he smiled sadly at her. “I would not have interfered. You are a military leader, you have the standing even without the West’s legacy to your name.”

She wasn’t worthy then. She still doesn’t feel worthy now. There was too much blood on her hands.

“I’ve heard there was a rebellion when the Vox was destroyed,” she changes the subject.

“Yes, some of your relatives came out and finally fought for your family’s place there. I’ve heard there’s a princess your age that fills your role splendidly.”

“I would like to try and communicate with them, with your own account of my identity,” she says.

“Are you going to leave?” he asks gravely.

“If I say I am, would you stop me?”

The fact that he couldn’t, even if he wanted to, was left unsaid.

“I wouldn’t. I will write you my letter, and you are free, like you always have been,” he answers.

She’d very much like to shout right at his face how free she felt when all her life, she felt like her station was below Mina’s. But maybe that was all because of herself. Maybe she just didn’t feel like she had the right to love when it could disappear in a flash.

“I will stay, and I will protect my family.”

“Your family?” he asks, confused.

“Thank you for this talk, your highness. Don’t speak a word of this to anyone else,” she warns him instead of answering the question.

She knows who she is now. Nobody can take that away from her, even if it does not change anything.

-

At the age of 14, the two of them were almost inseparable. When Mina wasn’t taking her lessons on politics, economics, and languages, she would often be seen heading down the training field with a guard tailing her. The sight of her always left Nayeon a little dumbfounded. A lot of the soldiers realized that the princess’ arrival was the best time to get a hit in. Nayeon doesn’t mind.

There were also times like this when Nayeon was assigned to Mina, and they would spend time just walking around. They were at peace like this.

“Do you want to go out?” Mina asks her.

“We are already outside, princess,” Nayeon answers confusedly.

Mina just grins at her and grabs her arm.

And it’s times like this that confuse Nayeon. No one else can touch her like this without her wanting to pin them down and disarm them. No one else can set her heart at ease while also making it feel like it’s on its last moments. What was Mina to her?

“The garden at night is beautiful, isn’t it?” Mina smiles at her.

“It is, Mina,” she says, feeling more at ease now that they’re away from other people.

She does what anyone else would have done. She takes off her tunic and lays it down on the grass.

“Aren’t you going to be cold in just a shirt?” Mina asks her.

“Not at all,” she says in reply. “I can’t have you getting dirty anyway, the queen would be annoyed at us.”

They both chuckle. Mina sits down on the discarded tunic and Nayeon settles down a respectable distance away.

“The stars are beautiful,” Mina muses.

“How could the stars even compare to you?” Nayeon says without thinking.

It must have been the moonlight on her skin, the usual spark of curiosity and wonder in her eyes, and the overwhelming feelings Nayeon’s been holding back since the day they met. Gods know she didn’t want to blurt that out.

“You’re an enigma, Im Nayeon,” Mina smiles gently.

“There’s hardly anything to understand about me,” she says, slightly self-deprecating.

“There you go again, belittling yourself,” Mina pokes her on the forehead. “Everyone thinks you’re special, you know?”

“That’s because they don’t know me.”

“Will you let me?” Mina asks her, voice barely above a whisper.

“I think you already do,” she says, resigned but so terribly fond. “I’m just a soldier, I just want to protect.”

Mina holds her cheek, so gently that she feels her heart breaking open.

“I think you’re more than just a soldier,” Mina tells her. “You’re also my best friend.”

Something in her settles with that acknowledgement.

“Thank you,” she whispers reverently, because she’s spent too many years adrift with only a singular reason for existence.  

Now she has another.

“I can’t lose you,” she adds.

“You won’t,” Mina assures her.

“I’m going to be the best soldier so I can protect you from everything,” she vows.

Mina just smiles at her indulgently and holds her pinky up.

“Do you swear?” Mina teases her.

“I swear,” she answers, linking her pinky with Mina’s.

It earns her a hug, although it was more like a tackle. She loses her balance and suddenly, she’s on her back, Mina beaming on top of her before latching onto her tightly.

She thinks Mina is just as brilliant as all the stars in the sky.

-

_Queen Dahyun Kim of the Western Kingdom,_

_I would like to extend my gratitude for you and your family’s role in reclaiming the kingdom. I trust that you will be a fair and honorable ruler, like the ones before you._

_Attached to this letter is a personal account from my own king, speaking the truth about my heritage. With that said, I have no intentions to rule over the West, nor do I think I have the right to it. Aside from my claim by blood, there is nothing to back up a claim to the Western throne._

_What I would like is to get to know some of the people my parents left behind. I never got to know my culture and I think they would have wanted that for me. You are not obligated to fulfill this wish if you don’t think it is worthy of consideration. I will understand._

_I have done my duty to the West, albeit unknowingly. I have avenged the death of my parents, the true former sovereigns of the West, by ending the criminal group known as the Vox. It is an honor to serve my people, even if that’s all that I can give to them as a loyal soldier of the North._

_Regards,_

_General Im Nayeon of the North_

-

“Mina, I don’t think you should be doing this,” she says to the very stubborn and very pregnant woman.

“Nayeon, we’re just taking a stroll. I’m not even lifting anything, you’re the one holding the basket,” Mina looks at her, amused.

She knows she’s being too protective, but she can’t really help it. Mina’s 6 months along in her pregnancy and she’s afraid of every little thing that could go wrong. She can’t really bear the thought of something terrible happening to the princess.

“We’re already quite far from the castle, we can settle down here,” she insists.

“We’re also near the training grounds but you did that on purpose didn’t you,” Mina smirks at her.

She has the decency to blush at that. She wants competent soldiers to be available to Mina and if that means having a picnic near the barracks, then she’d do that. Everyone knows not to approach them unless called for anyway. Jeongyeon can make fun of her for it later.

She sets down the cloth and helps Mina sit down gently. The bump along her previously toned abdomen is now pronounced. She looks glowing. Nothing can ever make Mina look bad in her eyes, when not even the vomiting during the first few months scared her away.

Of course she did constantly pester Sana to check up on Mina, both of them getting annoyed at her but indulging her nevertheless. She just wants everything to go as smoothly as possible and if she has the best healer in the kingdom as her friend and teammate, then she’ll get her help as often as possible.

“Is the princes still not back from his trip home?” she asks, just to break the silence while preparing the food Momo put in the basket.

“You know all his movements, Nay. He’s not going to be back in a fortnight.”

“He shouldn’t be away so much when you’re with child.”

“You _know_ he’s there to help Dahyun with some things,” Mina tells her reasonably.

And it is true, Dahyun did tell her on her last letter that the trade from the South needed to be handled by the prince since he’s the most well-versed at the Southern kingdom’s policies. She can still be annoyed at him.

“I know,” she pouts.

“And besides, I don’t really need him here, do I? I have you,” Mina flashes her that gummy smile.

She blushes. It’s stupid. It’s not like they’re still young and new to this feeling of love for each other.

“Always.”

They’re more settled now. There’s a constant comfort that they’re there for each other, even if they’ve given up the physical aspect of their love. Truth be told, most of their intimacy did not lie in their sexual activities anyway. It’s not the hardest thing to give up.

“What’s Momo been up to these days?” Mina asks her before taking a bite from the meat pie.

“She’s bought a few more chickens. The house’s backyard will be overrun with them pretty soon at this rate,” she replies. “She’s also been training some of the new soldiers.”

“She’s still determined to create a farm there then?” her princess asks her.

“Yes, she’s even got Taehyung and Jungkook in on building a barn nearby. She’s been trying to sell me on the idea of getting a few dairy cows.”

They both chuckle. Momo will always be a bright ray of sunshine on everyone’s day. Even if getting feeding the chickens and watering everyday was a bit of a hassle. It certainly makes mornings in their home very lively. almo

“How is Sana faring with Jihyo going back to the East for a while?” Mina asks her.

“She is acting like a lovesick fool. It is both disgusting and lovely,” she shares. “I think she’s going to ask Jihyo for her hand in marriage the moment she comes back.”

“Do you think Sana will move out of your house then?”

She thinks about it. They’ve spent almost 10 years together now. They all know each other’s habits and preferences. They have trouble letting other people in their circle. They’re family. She can’t really imagine not living with them anymore.

“I think they’ll just occupy a bigger room in the house. There’s plenty of space left in there, and Jihyo has been around there since the time she came to the North anyway.”

Mina looks pensive at that. Longing, even.

“Is it strange that I wish I could do that too?”

“Do what?”

“Be part of your home. Where you can go and drop all your responsibilities. We could even have dinners together with all the people you’ve come to know as family,” Mina says wistfully. “I wish I could give you that.”

They were still fools after all.

“You don’t know how much you give me just by remaining in your place, safe and happy,” she says, just loud enough for Mina’s ears. “You are my home away from home. You’re the beacon that lets me know I’m going in the right direction even when I feel like I’m getting lost at sea.”

“Spoken like a true artist. No wonder you swept me off my feet all those years ago,” Mina teases her, the corner of her eyes looking shiny with tears.

“I was not skilled with words back then, nor am I now. I think your feelings may just be clouding your judgement,” she teases the princess cheekily.

They remain there for a while. Just eating while looking at the beauty of their peaceful kingdom. Of the mountains that protect them from outside forces and of the trees that sway along with the gentle wind. Sometimes it feels like the world isn’t out to get her and she thinks that’s enough of a reprieve.

The hand that fits perfectly in hers certainly makes everything better. Like puzzle pieces that are meant to stay with each other.

-

_Princess Nayeon Lim of the Western Kingdom,_

_An older general in our army has told me about your existence and corroborated with the Northern King’s claims. It is amazing to know that someone of the royal family remains. I am amazed at your heroism and skill in defeating our kingdom’s greatest enemy._

_Now that you no longer need to seek asylum in the North, I can send an envoy to bring you back to the West where you can resume your rightful position in the throne. Although it would appear like I want to keep power to myself, I respect your claim, even if you say that it is only a claim by blood._

_I was not prepared for this position and I believe you will do a better job than I can, cousin. Give us a chance to show you what you should have grown up with had the circumstance been different. See if you still don’t wish to rule, just as I do not._

_Forgive my careless words in this letter but I wish to be honest with you from the start. I wish to be a friend of yours, not a ruler that’s out of reach. You deserve more than that after a whole kingdom failed you and your family._

_I hope you can find it in yourself to visit the West in the near future._

_Regards from your cousin,_

_Kim Dahyun_

_-_

They were both sleep deprived. Nayeon was faring better because she’s used to long and arduous training sessions but even she has to admit that the constant cries are taking a toll on her sanity. Mina just looks dead on her feet.

“We could have the nursemaids take care of young Tzuyu, you know?” she offers to the tired princess currently feeding the baby.

Mina just glares at her. She has the audacity to huff out a laugh. Of course Mina wouldn’t want anyone else to care for her child. Not so soon after her birth, anyway. Nayeon, being the idiot that she is, couldn’t let Mina suffer alone. And she was also becoming a bit too protective of Tzuyu if she’s being honest.

“What if I was a princess too?” she asks benignly, just trying to keep Mina awake so she doesn’t accidentally drop Tzuyu.

“Maybe you’d finally let yourself love me,” Mina answers absentmindedly.

Truer words could not be spoken. She laughs softly at it.

“I am, you know,” she says.

“You’re what?”

“A princess.”

“Okay,” Mina yawns cutely.

Nayeon takes it as her cue to get Tzuyu and burp her before putting her back on her crib. Mina just falls asleep on the rocking chair meanwhile. Mother and child were both so adorable.

When Tzuyu settles down and sleeps, she carries Mina gently to the bed. Sleeping in the chair will give the princess a terrible back ache upon waking so she’d rather avoid that.

The princess has been really tired these days, still getting used to taking care of Tzuyu and maintaining her responsibilities to the kingdom. Nayeon couldn’t love her anymore than she already does.

Maybe they’ll talk about Nayeon’s imminent visit to the West some other time. They could make a short vacation out of it. For now, she’d let Mina rest. She settles down on the chair Mina previously occupied, and before long, she falls asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk guys, what shall happen next? i'll edit when i'm more not sleepdrunk and if it turns out i was just rambling this chapter,,, we'll overhaul it lmao


	6. In-betweens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: no proofreading happened here lmao

“Hey, general,” Jihyo smirks at her. “Will you finally tell me why the princess looks like she wants to murder me everytime I approach you?”

Nayeon can’t help the embarrassed flush that covers her cheeks. She could deny Jihyo’s claim but Mina was right there standing across the room and barely listening to an important merchant from the North, glaring daggers at Jihyo.

“We’ve been over this, princess. I don’t know what you mean,” she says anyway.

“Really?” Jihyo asks, one perfect brow rising.

“Really,” she confirms, getting her control back. “Now, would you like to dance? It’s the queen’s birthday after all.”

It was a blatant distraction but the Eastern princess knew she wouldn’t be getting more from this topic anyway. And it’s not often that Nayeon offered to dance with people that weren’t part of her team.

And so they take up position, Nayeon leading her elegantly across the room. Jihyo looks content like this. She looks beautiful. If her heart wasn’t already given—she can’t really dwell on ifs and maybes.

“Jihyo,” she starts, “what if I told you that someone is dying to dance with you?”

“I would tell you that I’m not the only one people want to dance with, Nayeon,” the cheeky princess replies.

“While that may be so, I think you’d enjoy the time with the person I have in mind.”

“Are you aware, at least, that I am perfectly content in your arms?” Jihyo asks, that sadness back in her eyes.

It wasn’t that she wasn’t attracted to Jihyo. Only a fool would reject this girl. A princess, kind, passionate, and daring. But alas, she _was_ a fool, because while duty demanded that Mina marry someone for the kingdom, she has no such obligation. And she is not the kind of person to lead someone on.

A year after the wedding and it still stings to see Mina by that man’s side. He’s thoroughly afraid of her, but the little amusement she gets from that fact isn’t enough to cover the pain she feels. And Jihyo, well Jihyo has been there telling her directly that she could choose her and be happy.

But when has she ever been known to put her happiness before others?

“I think you’d be happier in my potioneer’s arms,” she grins while deftly handing the princess over to Sana.

On one of her and Jihyo’s strolls in the castle’s courtyard, she’s seen Sana looking at Jihyo. The look wasn’t certain, it wasn’t lustful, nor was it scared. Instead, it was curious and timid. The former was apt for her friend, but the latter? Not so much. Sana had the strongest personality in their group, after all.

Now she sees it for what it is. All those times Sana spent with Jihyo, there was a bright glint in her eyes. The kind she saw when they completed missions involving saving, or when she succeeds in creating a new potion. Now, Jihyo could just be sitting there looking at Sana and Sana would still look like she’s the happiest person in the world.

She’d never hinder that kind of love. Maybe she would have grown fond of Jihyo, could have even fallen in love with the woman, but it wouldn’t be as great as the way Sana already feels for her. Jihyo deserves more than the few remaining pieces of her heart.

“Thank you,” Sana mouths at her when she gets the chance.

She smiles.

Then like the trees reach for the sun, she looks for _her_ princess. Mina’s no longer glaring, at least. Even distracted by the new couple talking her ear off, she’s still beautiful in that blue gown.

She passes by Jeongyeon and taps her arm softly before exiting the room.

She’d stand guard outside and pretend that all of the stars in the sky could rival the constellation in Mina’s face.

-

Nayeon had no prior experience with children except that she was a child like this once. And honestly, she felt like this was shortening her already short life span. Tzuyu has started walking, and she was walking everywhere.

The crawling stage was fine, she could crawl around the huge nursery and not have it be a problem. Nayeon’s only mission then was to prevent her from hitting the walls with her face, but now Tzuyu was frequently tripping on her own feet and falling over. The furs on the floor were helping, but her heart was taking a beating everytime it happened.

“Will you please calm down,” Mina chuckles amusedly from her seat. “She’s doing fine.”

“Mina, what if she hits her head and Sana can’t get here fast enough?”

“Then you will carry her and run all the way to the infirmary, won’t you?” Mina smiles patiently.

And yes, maybe she was being a bit hysterical, but she really can’t help it.

“Mama,” Tzuyu squeaks, heading quickly (too quickly if you asked Nayeon) for them.

And it would’ve been fine, it would’ve been just like any other day had Tzuyu not attached herself on Nayeon’s leg and yelled “mama” all over again.

She doesn’t even know how to function anymore, really. Her blood was roaring in her ears and she thinks she hears Mina gasp.

“I—I don’t,” she croaks, voice caught in her throat.

She picks Tzuyu up from the floor, carefully detaching the tight grip of her child’s arms from her leg.

“Nayeon,” she corrects, smiling giddily at Tzuyu. “I’m Nayeon. Nayeon loves you very much, Tzuyu.”

Mina was crying softly beside her, but she’d politely ignore that for now, because her child was calling her mama. She was on top of the world and while she’d never felt more fulfilled than now, she couldn’t possibly allow the royal princess to address her that way.

She’d keep this in her heart, though.

She’d remember that one afternoon, only days after Tzuyu finally started walking, Tzuyu felt like she was important enough in her young life to think of Nayeon as a parent.

She’d spend the rest of her life making sure Tzuyu never changes her mind.

-

She lets out a sigh of discomfort. The bruise near her collar still hurts.

“You okay there, captain?” Momo asks, her breaths visible at this temperature.

“Yeah,” she replies. “This ride is taking forever.”

And it really was. They boarded one of the Northern ships to reach the Western port, but even from there, the ride to the Western Castle was two days away.

“We’re nearly there!” the bright young man assigned to fetch them cheers. “And it’s a beauty to behold, princess!”

“I’m not a princess,” she replies automatically, but just like the many other times she’s corrected him on their journey, he pretends he doesn’t hear her and skips ahead in his horse.

But he was correct in his claims of beauty. Hours later, when her legs feel like they’re about to fall off, they finally see a castle made of marble and covered in snow. It was beautiful. She was absolutely freezing, but it was beautiful.

She sips from one of the many vials of warming potion Sana had brewed when she told her about the trip. She and Momo could’ve easily substituted said potion with alcohol, but the impairment wouldn’t have been worth the relaxation.

She offers the rest of her vial to Momo who’s been needing more of it than her.

“I could totally see you ruling here,” Momo laughs at her softly, drinking the offered potion.

“Really? Me?” she deadpans.

“Maybe not as Queen, you don’t wear enough dresses for that mental image, but maybe as the head of the military here.”

And she does look like she belongs here. Her skin has been lightly tanned her whole life, but she knows how much more easily she gets burnt by the sun compared to the others. It has taken some getting used to but she’s dealing with the cold pretty well.

“I don’t know about that. Could you really see me in blue rather than black?” she teases her friend.

“I don’t know about blue, but I could definitely see you in white. You’d scare the crap out of trainees if you do that don’t-fuck-up stare.”

And it’s nice like this. She’s glad she brought Momo. Anyone else and her nerves wouldn’t be as settled as this. She and Momo have always been good for each other.

“Would you follow me here if I asked?” she can’t help but ask Momo, the friend who’s been by her side and who knew her as Sunmi’s daughter, her captain, her general, and her sister.

“In a heartbeat, Nay,” Momo answers without skipping a beat. “I don’t have anything going for me in the North anyway, just you guys.”

“Jeongyeon won’t feel the same way, not with Bona there,” she smiles softly, glad that her friend finally found someone who could put up with her fiery personality. “And Sana has Jihyo.”

“Sana hasn’t even proposed yet, and Jihyo would totally like to travel,” Momo tells her.

She ignores that and smiles to herself. Sana won’t be able to hold herself back for very long. Love does that to people.

“And hey, the kids might go with me too!” Momo cheers. “And if you really ask, I’d bet Sana would too, just bring Jihyo along.”

“Taehyung’s a teacher when he doesn’t have guard duty now, I would never ask him. And where Taeh is, you know Jungkook will stay,” she grins. “I’m telling you, it’s just you and me now, Mo.”

Momo laughs, knowing very well that their family would always be family. But maybe now, it’s not just the 6 of them anymore.

“That doesn’t sound bad at all.”

“No. No, it doesn’t,” she says, finally getting down from her horse and helping Momo along.

The walk to Queen Dahyun Kim of the Western Kingdom isn’t so scary knowing she has Momo by her side.

-

Living in her old home is a jarring experience. She got used to the quiet mornings spent with Sunmi. Now, she wakes up to the rooster’s crows. Momo got her way and purchased some chickens. They even cleaned up the barn in the backyard as a team, or so Jeongyeon likes to say.

The stables are coming along nicely, they need them to get back to the castle, after all. Taehyung has a nice garden that will give them produce someday soon, and a garden beside that one which will give Sana ingredients to make her potions. She and Jeongyeon have also been helping Jungkook with making their very own forge.

It’s nice. It’s different. It’s anything but quiet.

They don’t mind her silence, though. That’s significant. The older trainees she used to spar with never bothered to get to know her after a fight. It’s why she only had Mina. These people here, though, they seem to genuinely like and respect her. They don’t know her, and she doesn’t know them. Not yet, at least.

But it’s a good beginning. It feels like the early days when she’d come home to Sunmi and be welcomed with dinner and a smile.

Now, it’s walking to the kitchen at the crack of dawn and seeing Sana by the stove, Jeongyeon making coffee, Momo entering with eggs and a blinding grin, and their boys trying and failing to keep themselves awake by the table.

She never asked for a team but she’s glad they gave her one.

Maybe the ghosts of this home can rest in peace knowing she can have a family here again.

“Good morning,” she greets them.

-

The princess has been ignoring her. She wonders what she did wrong to deserve this torture.

“Why do you look like you’re about to cry?” Sana asks her.

She sits down on the bed meant for injured trainees. Her heart is hurt, if that counts for anything.

“You know why,” she says sullenly.

They’ve been watching her mope since the first day Mina did this. It’s been really terrible for everyone involved because a mopey Nayeon is bad, but the alternative is drill sergeant Nayeon which is worse. Their productivity has gone up, though.

“The infirmary is for the injured, not whiney captains being ignored by the princess,” Sana says, failing to keep in her laughter at the other’s predicament.

Nayeon only responds by curling up on the bed and ignoring her potioneer altogether. The laughter only gets louder.

That is until the door opens and Sana goes silent.

Uh-oh.

That never happens. Sana’s usual forte is to flirt with the younger cadets or be cheeky with the seniors. Quiet is reserved for—

“Hello, princess. What can I do for you?” Sana asks formally.

She sits right up at that, seeing Mina and scanning the girl for injuries. Her right index finger is bleeding.

“Sana, get the potion for cuts, please.”

And Sana does, while Mina stands there looking sheepish.

“Princess, why are you bleeding?” she asks, hoping to gods that she’s no longer going to get ignored.

“I cut it on a rose,” Mina mutters.

“A rose?”

“Later,” Mina smiles at her.

And really, that’s just unfair. Mina ignores her for days and she comes here and smiles that smile that makes all her thoughts go away and it’s just not fair. She should know better than to give in this fast, but Sana patches Mina up in no time and then Mina is back to her usual self, holding her hand and leading her out.

She can’t help it. She pouts.

Mina giggles when she finally looks at Nayeon.

“Oh, stop that,” Mina says, mirth in her voice.

She does not. In fact, it only gets worse, tears forming in her eyes.

“Wait, no! Don’t cry! I swear it was for a good cause,” Mina panickedly tries to calm her down while still dragging her along.

“You ignored me, but for a good cause?” she asks, bravely keeping the tears at bay.

“Yes. Now, look,” Mina says.

And wow, she didn’t even notice they were in the greenhouse already. Mina tends to have that effect on her.

“Well?” Mina asks her expectantly.

“It’s beautiful, princess. The gardeners did amazing work as usual.”

“It’s Mina right now, and I’ve been helping them plan this greenhouse for a while!” Mina beams.

Pride suits her princess. She looks like she could take on the world right now.

“I am really proud of you, Mina,” she says, hugging the girl against her.

She really is. The place looks amazing, flowers everywhere and of different kinds. Nayeon might just pick out a book from the library later and learn the name of each flower here.

“Now, for the reason I haven’t had time to talk to you lately,” Mina whispers softly. “I’ve been trying to find the perfect flower for you. I even tried getting a rose earlier but they aren’t what I’m looking for.”

“You really ignored me for a bunch of flowers?” she lets go of Mina, pouting again.

“I didn’t ignore you, silly,” Mina smiles. “You were busy with training and everything.”

“But I’m never too busy for you,” she replies readily.

Mina flushes at that.

“Well I finally found the flower that suits you,” Mina mutters, dragging her further into the greenhouse.

The flowers were beautiful. They were small, bluish violet and yellow and white in the center. Nayeon isn’t very good with beautiful things like this, but it suits her perfectly.

“They’re forget-me-nots.”

“Well I could never forget you,” she mutters absentmindedly, touching the petals of some of the flowers.

“Just in case, then. And they fit you somehow.”

“I love them,” she tells her princess.

“Really?” Mina asks, shy smile on her beautiful face.

“Really. And you know what else I love?”

“What?”

“Not getting ignored for days,” she teases.

Mina looks amused, playfully slapping her shoulders, and already walking away.

She grabs Mina’s hand and quickly walks up to her ‘til their foreheads are touching.

“And you,” she whispers, words strictly for the two of them. “I love you.”

She cups Mina’s cheek with her other hand and leans in for a soft kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long while and iakhdadak i have just had the woooorst writing block and i'm not even over it tbh akkhls i figured i'd post this anyway tho :((


End file.
